The incomparable Tim Roth, one of the best-danged actors out there, recently portrayed the character Emil Blonsky (who devolved into The Abomination) in The Incredible Hulk. That was a cool performance, but the Oscar winner will have a more intriguing task ahead as he plays a “living lie detector” in Fox’s new series Lie To Me.

The one-hour series stars Roth as Dr. Cal Lightman, a man “skilled at reading the human face, body and voice to uncover the truth in criminal and private investigations,” IGN reports.

According to Fox’s promotional materials: “When you scratch your chin, wring your hands, wrinkle your nose, or swallow too much, Dr. Cal Lightman knows you’re lying. He doesn’t just think so, he knows so, because he’s taken his exceptional skills of observation to become the foremost deception expert in the country. … More accurate than any polygraph test, he knows when those in front of him are being less than forthcoming, be they family, friends, or complete strangers….”

This sounds awesome, but there’s no word on what sort of characters Lightman will stare down. We’ve taken the liberty of cooking up a list of suspects — well-known baddies and good guys — whose secrets Roth can crack on the show. Come on, have a little fun with us — and be sure to pitch your own stories in the comments!

Gil Grissom
In a groundbreaking crossover with CSI, Lightman finally peels back the layers on the complicated man who leads the Crime Scene Investigations team.

Twenty-four hours of grueling grilling later, we’ll learn that Grissom, who has a longtime fascination with insects, actually finds the critters “icky.”

He pretended to be fascinated by them so that his girlfriend, Sara Sidle, would think he was cool.

Darth Vader
Anakin Skywalker proves to be Lightman’s most challenging adversary to date, given the suspect’s heavy breathing and expressionless mask. Nevertheless, our hero determines that the Sith Lord is not actually Luke’s father. Ben Kenobi is the babydaddy! Looks like the grizzled geezer was trying to skip out on 30 years of back child support.

Jack Bauer
Dr. Lightman takes on 24’s terrorist-thwarting Jack Bauer as part of an investigation into torture allegations. What turns up will shock America: hardcore warrior (and perpetually sleep-deprived) Bauer has the largest Care Bear collection in the world. The day-long, stress-filled missions he undertakes are actually cover stories for his true intentions: to locate the bear he doesn’t have, the exclusive “Intensive Care Bear.” Hey, after you’ve been shot a few times like Bauer has, you’d need some snuggles during your hospital visit, too.

The Joker
On the trail of the Clown Prince of crime, Lightman will discover that the villain preferred Cesar Romero’s performance of the villain over Jack Nicholson’s.

James Bond
In the season finale, Lightman goes toe-to-toe with the best spy in the world Bond, in his first TV appearance, will give Lightman’s powers some of the most difficult tests he will face. No word on exactly what secrets he will uncover but we here at MINE think it might have to do with “servicing” the queen. (Yeesh, we just grossed out ourselves. The bad puns! They burnnn! Make it stop!)

Mined by: Scott Roche